Playing this week... 02/18/08

Rambo 7
Holy shit. I mean, seriously, what were the 24 producers (???) thinking when they approved this script? Rampant racism? Check. Atomic bombs? Check. Useless exposition that tries to qualify 100 + minutes of murder and mayhem? Double check. There's more blood and guts in this film than in Hostel, Pulp Fiction and Cabin Fever combined. And it isn't presented with the slightest hint of irony or apology. Yet you can't turn away from this bloodbath. It's impossible. Somehow Stallone is as endearing - maybe more so - than he ever has been. It's obviously so bad it's good, and if it came out in 1989 it might still be the highest grossing action film of all time. Take it for what it's worth. I took it, and I'll take some more, please. Personally I can't wait to find out more about the mysterious R. Rambo in Rambo V. I'd like to pitch Kris Kristopherson as Ronny Rambo right now. Even if he is younger than Stallone.

Mr. Brooks 4
Some of the most useless dialogue of all time, unexpected and unforgivable coming from an Oscar-winning penman. Costner shines with what he's given proving that he's back for yet another round. The secret to his success is not to let him anywhere near the director's chair clearly. For proof look no further than this and last years The Guardian. It's obvious that Demi Moore mailed this one in from somewhere in Malibu (too busy with Ashton, I suspect), but at least Dane Cook gave it the old college try. Just too bad he can't act his way out of a wet sack. William hurt plays the same character he played in A History of Violence - and that's not a bad thing. My rating of this film reflects the potential of the story, and what it could have been: there's a really slick thriller buried under the convoluted story. But it really is too bad that the characters have to talk to one another here.

Vacancy 1.5
Torture porn that's neither scary nor shocking? That's Vacancy. I won't waste much of your time with this review because you shouldn't waste it with this movie, either. I'm not sure who should be fired first: Luke Wilson's agent or Kate Beckinsale's. I'd rather sit through Underworld 16 than this trash. That's it. Stay away. Don't even rent it. Seriously. You'll smack yourself for it.

The Hoax 8.5
I always find it hard to get into a Richard Gere movie because he always plays Richard Gere. But The Hoax is one of the first times I can remember him really diving into a role where he wasn't responsible for the character solely on his own: I was wholly engrossed in the story of Clifford Irvine and his adventure defrauding McGraw Hill and sticking it to Howard Hughes. I guess it takes a true story to rip someone away from what they've always done. Alfred Molina, one of the ultimate character actors of all time and perhaps the most underrated actor of the last 25 years, is superb as Irvine's right hand man, Dick. The story is simple and easy to access but gripping at the same time. The only thing I didn't like about this one was Marcia Gay Harden, though I don't think I'll ever look at Marcia Gay Harden the same way after watching The Mist. What a bitch.

King of California 8
Bloody hell do I ever love Michael Douglas. A few years ago I really couldn't stand his smug ass. It was part the bad, wavy hair and part the fact that I watched The Player, Wall street and You, Me and Dupree in order. But then he goes and totally redeems himself with King of California. I was initially drawn to this because of the premise - treasure hunting with an insane, bearded Douglas sounded like too much fun to pass up. And while the story is fun and the adventure itself is hilarious - diving into a sewage drain beneath Costco in the middle of the night? This is a tug on your heartstrings kind of event. But I don't fault Mike Cahill for that. I do, however, fault him for the prolific use of shitty narration throughout. I want to look at Evan Rachel Wood, not listen to her tell me what's going on on screen. Also keep your eyes open for a hilarious animated sequence about Mexican treasure hunters. Those things always get me. It's not as good as the one from Bowling for Columbine, but it's entertaining.